If I were president, it would all be different, believe me.
In some ways it’s even more awful than we feared. I knew Hillary would pick a corrupt team, but her NSC advisor actually got kicked out for secret negotiations with the Russians. We’re only a month into this thing, and she’s already made a sleazy deal with the Chinese, and one of her staffers was on TV trying to push products for a family business.
This is exactly what my supporters – who are the best people, really – wanted me to get rid of. And if I’d won the election instead of her this terrible administration would be nothing but a bad dream.
I came so close. And so many people come up to me now, and they say, “You got more of the popular vote. Why didn’t they let you in?” I have to explain about this crooked system with its electoral college. They don’t believe it. So Hillary won alright, but now she has no legitimacy. She’s weak. Weak!
She can sit there in the White House having one long meeting after another. (I bet they’re exhausting. I bet she feels like she can’t even breathe, she’s so overwhelmed.) She’s president, but I’m the one they wanted to win. America chose me. And I’m never going to let her forget that.
How sad that the thing Hillary wanted so much… She got it, and it destroyed her. Now she’s so low-rated. But I’m out here with thousands of fans and they will never stop believing in me.
I love these rallies. The people yell things and chant things, and I can always tell what they want to hear, what the truth is, because that’s what they clap for. It’s almost like we’re just thinking the same thoughts at the same time, and you have no idea what a relief it is to feel like you don’t exist, because then you don’t have to doubt or worry that you might get embarrassed by a goddamned woman.
I wish my dad were here. I wish General Patton were here.
But some nights. Out on the stage. Some nights they are. And then General Patton turns to me, and he smiles and says, “If we have a big enough war, no one will ever know she was a bad president.” She. Hillary. Because she’s the one.
We’re going to win someday.
Sure we’re going through hard times. Jared has a lot of work for me to do. So many things to sign. Jared has good ideas. I surround myself with only the best people. He says I should limit my visitors, because of the terrible leaks. There have been false stories about how I can’t focus on the job, or that I yell at people on the phone… or that I sit around all day in a blond wig and an extra-large pantsuit talking to myself in a high-pitched voice as I make blunder after blunder. Fake.
But nothing can break me. Not the liars in the media, or those judges… Nothing.
I won’t fail you America.
That’s the kind of thing Hillary would do.