Friday, November 19, 2010

Satanic Ritual Killings -- A Handy Video

Have you just stumbled over a body carved up all crazy-like in your school parking lot? This video will tell you what clues to look for to determine if you've got some devil-worshippers to deal with.

My friend Rob sent me this, and I needed to share. (I also found it on boingboing). The Youtuber who uploaded it wrote it was from a video called "Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults." You can get a copy here (only VHSl it was made in 1994). Obviously I am skeptical of these things. But that in no way detracts from the utter awesomness of this video. The set looks like a high school play of Julius Caesar. The law enforcement expert looks almost exactly like the BTK killer. The music that plays at the end is oddly cheery, like this video has just taught you how to pass your finals in cosmetology school, and now you can get out of your parent's garage apartment and start living your life, dammit. And then there's the victim, with her devil scrawl-work and her checkered bikini.

This is a cultural artifact from a time in our national life when every fundamentalist music teacher devoted one class to talking about the backwards messages playing on your Iron Maiden album, and every talk show had a hysterical nutjob claiming his therapist helped him remember that mom and dad were molesting goats with the neighbors down in the rec room. It's inspiring. It makes me want to start my own murderous cult of satanists, just to backstop every crazy thing this guy is saying and make it real.

Keep the dream alive, people.


  1. This is priceless! Just what I needed,

  2. Wow--this is just screwed up on so many levels. They have the model under a sheet to begin! And the checkered bikini! Plus all the closeups on the models body--very tastefully done. Not at all lurid! Totally hilarious, stuff. Gotta love hysterical witch-hunting propaganda in any era!


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