Wednesday, December 21, 2011

You Gonna Finish Those Brains?

I mean, it’s cool if you are. You just looked like you were going to throw out most of that cerebellum, and I love it. No, man – you don’t have to split it with me. I’m not that hungry, really. I just wanted to make sure it didn’t go to waste. A lot of people don’t like that part. It’s kind of like the goopy stuff in the middle of a lobster. But it has a wonderfully complex flavor.

Seriously, I’m not begging you for a piece or anything. I’m not even that hungry. I mean, I worked up an appetite running that guy down, especially since he almost trepanned me with the garden spade. You don’t see many people who can use a hand tool that well. Usually they give you a good jab in the arm or something, and by the time they realize they’re not having an effect, you’ve got them. But I’m really okay. I only wanted a lobe to snack on.

You think there are more people in this apartment complex? I don’t mean we should go after them now. I was just saying maybe we ought to remember this place. Come back later.

Hey, you’re not even touching that thalamus! No, no, I couldn’t. I’m just saying you should go ahead and eat it. It’s got a nice intense bite. If we had a bottle of some good Cab that would be something. All of those deep red wines go great with thalamus.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. But you’re letting a lot of it go to waste. It’s not like it’s easy to go out and get brains. You should learn to expand your horizons a little. And don’t be afraid to get messy – that’s what napkins are for. Here, I found a mallet in the shed. Crack that baby open and really get into it. Nah, none for me. I swear I’m not hungry! I just want to make sure you appreciate the brain in all its culinary glory. After all, that guy took most of your nose off before we bit into him. Remember: Every time you try to kill a brain that brain is trying to kill you.

Man that looks good. It’s got the perfect amount of marbling. I bet he was a heavy drinker. I bet he was still in college. They say alcohol does something to the tissue – smoothes out all the flavor notes so they blend together. If we had a little gas grill and a cast-iron pan I could show you a trick I saw in a movie once.
Look, for the last time I do not want a – well, okay. Fine. If you’re sure you can’t finish it all. I just don’t want you to go hungry. You worked as hard as I did, trapping that guy in his bathroom. Just that little bit over there – that’s plenty. Thanks a lot! You sure? Right, right.

Hey, give me a second. I saw some mustard salt when the dude knocked over his spice rack trying to bludgeon us. It will make this perfect.

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