Saturday, March 3, 2012

A Message To Rush Limbaugh From An Intestinal Parasite

That was low. That was really, really low. I can understand that you might disagree with what Sandra Fluke has to say about contraception; it's a free country, and you're entitled to your opinion. But there's no need to attack the woman in such a hateful manner. I cause nausea, cramps, and occasionally-fatal cases of dysentery. But you sir, have gone too far.

I certainly appreciate the pressure that you face, and the sometimes controversial nature of your job. After all, we work in very similar industries -- I'm a nematode who infests the small intestines of most mammals, and you host your radio program. But I also know that there is a line you don't cross, a code of behavior. There are some things a guy like me just won't do. Don't you understand that? You're making a disgrace of yourself. Really. What you said was disgusting. Sometimes I cause pica, which is a compulsion to eat dirt, so I know what I'm talking about. But this is worse.

You've hit bottom, man. You need to use this experience to make a change in your life and in your work. My advice is: Don't fight it! It could be a real opportunity for you to grow. After I killed off a litter of Labrador puppies last year, I sank into a deep depression for a long time. I lost hope, you know? And then one day I woke up, looked in the mirror, and said to myself, "Hey, I'm still here. I still have a chance to be the kind of intestinal parasite I know I can be."

So can you, Rush. So can you.


  1. Omfg. I love this...and may love you too. Best thing I've seen for the day so far!! His sponsors are pulling out like scared teenagers, so we will see.

  2. A friend sent me the link to your post here and I'm so glad. OUTSTANDING.


  3. Thanks, you guys. Gotta tell you: I was lying in bed Saturday morning when I got the idea. I thought, "Nah, everyone's kicking him. I don't need to kick him too."

    Then I though: "No. Better join in with the mob. Make sure he's down. It's the right thing to do."

  4. Never kick a man when he's down? But that's when he's nearest your boots.

    But then, of course, he's not really down. He's a millionaire with a nationally syndicated radio show. Kick harder.


Related Posts with Thumbnails