Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Romney's Footmen Join Campaign

In a dramatic tactical move to beat Rick Santorum's ground game, Mitt Romney has moved several footmen (pictured right) from his household staff into campaign headquarters.

"These are all men of good repute, with a legacy of service," according to Cavendish, the Romneys' Head of Household Staff. "Many of them have worked in the campaigns before, and their families have been part of Romney Hall since its founding." The footmen are joining volunteers in an all out effort to secure the big mid-Atlantic states considered key to a win for Romney.

"We are all honored to be of help to Lord Romney in any way we can," says George, a footman from Flynt, MI whose father was thrilled and honored to have a son who'd managed to improve his station after the local drive-train plant had closed in the early 1990's. "We miss the comradeship of those at the House, of course. But we are dedicated to the task at hand." Some political insiders think that the footmen won't be able to connect with middle class voters in upstate New York and rural Pennsylvania, which are considered to be key for a Republican primary victory. And the new Romney campaign slogan Romney: Respect Your Betters has not excited the Tea Party activists like the team had planned. Still, Cavendish is philosophical.

"Romney Hall [pictured above] has survived the Great Depression, the Carter Administration, and the Contract With America," he says. "Whatever the future holds, we know the House of Romney will play a role in it. And we intend to do our part. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go over the dessert wine selection."

(Note: Photo of "Romney Hall" by JB + UK_Planet under Creative Commons license. Information here.)


  1. Is that Romney Hall? Or is it Stately Romney Manor, home of Rombatman.

    1. If that guy has a utility belt with romneyrangs my whole opinion of him has officially changed. Thanks for the comment!


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