The World's Oldest Dirty Joke

And the LORD said unto Satan: 'Hast thou considered My servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a whole-hearted and an upright man, one that feareth God, and shunneth evil?'

Have I got an act for you.

Then Satan answered the LORD, and said: 'Doth Job fear God for nought? Hast not Thou made a hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath, on every side?

I don't know. Doesn't sound impressive. I'm a busy man. Tell me, what does this guy do?

And the LORD said unto Satan: 'Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thy hand.' So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.

Then the fun starts. There are different variations. Highlights include:

...the Sabeans made a raid, and took them away; yea, they have slain the servants with the edge of the sword...

...A fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them...

...Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house... And, behold, there came a great wind from across the wilderness...

...sore boils from the sole of his foot even unto his crown...

...Why died I not from the womb? Why did I not perish at birth? Why did the knees receive me?... For now should I have lain still and been quiet...

The Agent scratches his head and says, "That's some act. What do you call it?"

(Still working on the punchline. I bet it's going to be good.)