Friday, August 3, 2012

It's A Wonderful Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day

Now wait...now listen...now listen to me.

I beg of you not to do this thing, not to let this thing happen. If the gays get hold of this restaurant, there'll never be another decent business built in this town. They've already got charge of the media. They've got the universities. They've got all the decent cities. Christ, they even got Disneyworld.

And now they're after us. Why? Well, it's very simple. Because we're cutting in on their lifestyle, that's why. And because they want to keep you living in their towns and watching their TV programs. I don't have the money from your homophobic grocery store, Phil. It's not back there in the break room. Your money is in Ed's rightwing Bible camp. And in Pete's scary Super PAC. And Marsha's clothing retailer that makes T-shirts that rip off corporate logos for Jesus.

Can't you understand what's happening here? Don't you see what's happening? The gays aren't selling. They're buying! And why? Because we're panicking and they're not. They're picking up some bargains. Now, we can get through this thing all right. We've got to stick together, though. We've got to have faith in each other.

We've got to come together as a community. As Americans. In a heartwarming and life-affirming way. Then we can really stomp those bastards. We'll go after some other types too.

I've got a list.

1 comment:

  1. Paul, this is clever but a little off the mark I'm afraid.

    ReplyDelete

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