It's Adorable How Republicans Just Discovered We Have A Constitution

Dear Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and the rest of the GOP:

It's very, very inspiring how hard you're trying to win this thing. I mean it. I want you to know that no matter what happens this November, you can all be proud of yourselves, because you really gave it your best. Hugs all around! You people are so special for putting yourself out there, every one of you.

Winning isn't everything, okay? Chin up!

And what's also important is how much you learned about this wonderful nation, and about our political system. Because that system depends on rules laid out in - and I just love how enthusiastic you are about this, people - The Constitution. Your commercials and your speeches show some real comprehension. You have come a long, long way, believe me. Only a few years ago you were saying stuff like, "Well, why can't we just stuff some people in a secret prison?" But now, listening to you talk about rights and the rule of law... it makes me proud.

Okay. Don't get too depressed about this, but you still need to make some progress. A couple items, off the top of my head:

• The First Amendment is not just for religious people. It's for other folks too. Go read that again; I think you missed a few spots.
• The Second and Tenth Amendments are great, but there are other amendments in between that are just as important. I know, I know. It's hard!
• Tackling the deficit is important and cutting taxes is important, but you kinda have to pick between them. That's not a Constitutional issue. It's just math. Double check it, okay?

Look, I don't want to be too harsh here. Because you're doing sooooo super compared to last time. One of the most beautiful things about America is every four years the party out of power gets to fall in love with our Constitution all over again. That's what being out of power is for. It's like taking a break so you can learn, and sometimes relearn, the fundamentals.

I think you Republicans are at the beginning of a long and fulfilling journey to discover what that great document is really about.

Good luck!
Paul