NOTE: From now until the election I'm writing a series of posts with Mitt Romney channeling different movie bad guys. Read and try to guess them all! Won't that be fun? Possibly the last fun we'll ever have in this country?I don't want to stay out here on the campaign trail anymore. Let me in. Let me in the White House. I won't hurt anyone, honest. I know things got a little weird a few months ago. I was up there onstage with guys like Rick Santorum, and I had to make all those crazy primary voters think I was the kind of guy to deregulate every corporation and attack Iran before my inauguration day ended. But that's not me. Not really.
I'm not some kind of monster. There's nothing wrong with me, and if there was I'm all better now. I'm just a moderate from the Northeast. If anyone's a shapeshifting creature, it's Gingrich. Have you looked at that guy? Let me in the White House, and we'll strap him to a chair, and get a sample of his blood. You'll see.
Does anyone remember where Newt Gingrich has been these last few weeks? I didn't think so. Watch Gingrich. And watch him close. I'm not the enemy here. I just want to increase employment. I'm like you. Exactly like you.
I wanna come inside. I've been touring America a long time speaking to conservative lunatics. Funny things. I hear funny things out here. Stuff about Ayn Rand, mostly. Jesus, I want to come inside. Don't you understand it? Let me inside!
I'm much better. And I won't harm anybody.
(Photo by JaumeBG used under Creative Commons license. File information here.)