NOTE: From now until the election I'm writing a series of posts with Mitt Romney channeling different movie bad guys. Read them all! Won't that be fun? Possibly the last fun we'll ever have in this country?
Let me have your attention for a moment. So you're talking about what? You're talking about your blood sugar, bitching about how your back feels, some son of a bitch that doesn't take your insurance and so forth. Let's talk about something important!
Put. That medication. Down. Healthcare's for closers only.
You think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from DC. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. 'Cause the good news is -- you're denied coverage. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to sign up for a couple of vouchers. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this month's contest. As you all know, first prize is a policy that includes actual doctors.
Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a bottle of Tylenol.
Third prize is you're dead.
You get the picture?
(Photo by JaumeBG used under Creative Commons license. File information here.)