Tuesday, December 18, 2012

A Message To The NRA From Robert E. Lee

Guys, it's been done. Really. This whole argument you have about how ordinary folks need their AR-15s to protect their rights from the government. And someday the authorities might try to round all your firearms up, but you're going to fight, and...

Totally did it. We took that little notion about as far as it could go. How do I know this? Because I'm the poor son of a bitch who tried it. And as they say, things went south.

What do you think the Confederacy was? It was the largest, most well-organized American militia group that ever tried to take on the US military. And they went after us like a pack of pitbulls going through an old folks home. It was not pretty. And when your time comes, you and your camping buddies from the real estate firm are not going to last anywhere near as long as we did, okay? You'll get a million views on YouTube, they'll pop you into a federal prison, and nothing will be any different.

Why does this matter? Because a main argument you gun nuts use to fend off regulation is that you act as a powerful check on tyranny. You do not. I know it, the feds know it, and even you know it, deep down.

Right now there are rightwingers filming TSA agents and sending it to Drudge. There are leftwingers tracking CIA black sites. People across the spectrum are hassling their representatives and planning demonstrations. Many of these actions are pretty pitiful to be honest. But all of them are much more effective than your stupid game of Weekend Apocalypse. You might as well become Civil War reenactors. And believe me, admitting that is unspeakably painful.

Stop playing soldier, stop preventing common sense gun control laws, and take some responsibility for your government.

And by the way, NASCAR sucks, Carolina barbecue is overrated, and Lynrd Skynyrd are from Florida, which isn't even part of the South. I'm done here.

12 comments:

  1. The Dread Pirate RodgersDecember 18, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    "Carolina barbecue is overrated" Amen. Texas Brisket for the win!

    And I always liked the saying that NASCAR stands for Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. TEXAS BBQ
    Was STATIONED IN JACKSONVILLE ON THE U.S.S. Saratoga for sixteen months in 78-79 & NEVER KNEW LYNYRD SKYNYRD WAS THERE.
    SHIT!
    I'd rather watch amateurs racing their own unmodified family cars than NASCAR.
    And they disarmed the Confederate Soldiers, BUT LET THEM KEEP ONE GUN TO FEED THEIR FAMILIES [interesting tidbit, I always thought]

    ReplyDelete
  3. definition of nascar -
    bubbas drinking beer watching other bubbas turn left.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm a northerner, but my father-in-law- was from the far outskirts of Raleigh, NC, back in the day when Mayberry was young and undeveloped. Prior to meeting him, barbecue was beef with spicy tomato-based sauce. The first time I tried his NC PORK barbecue, before I even took a bite, I asked where the sauce was. He looked at me like he was fixin' to put me out of his house.

    Well I took one bite of his family heirloom concoction, and I never looked back at beef barbecue.

    As he explained: In NC, barbecue is a way to cook meat. In TX, it's a sauce you put on meat.

    NORTH Carolina barbecue is da' bomb. Texas barbecue? That's not even to right kind of meat.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ...A pack of wolves, maybe, but not pibbles.

    Pibbles is more likely to knock you over in a mad rush of joy that YOU'RE HOME!!!!!!11 and lick your nose into submission than anything else. :)

    tmk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I so agree! Pit bulls are getting a bad rap these days. They are very, VERY sweet dogs unless they've been abused.

      Delete
  6. Forget your antiquated history lesson and fast forward to Oklahoma City on April 19, 1995. From there visit Baghdad IED blogs.

    Lee never attempted to cut the head from the snake, that honored went to Booth, albeit a bit late.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's important to note that Booth and McVeigh both failed to achieve any political goals, and they went down in history as evil losers. Iraq is more complicated, obviously. But it's also another country. Domestic terrorists, militia types, whatever you want to call them... they fail here at home. Reporters and lawyers sometimes get something to change.

      Delete
  7. "... you and your camping buddies from the real estate firm..." Snort, that's funny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. More like beer buddies from the tavern.

      Delete
  8. Your AR-15's or AK-47's will not win a battle vs a Sherman tank. But if you're feeling suicidal, feel free to try.

    ReplyDelete

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