Friday, January 18, 2013

"I Poisoned The Gotham Reservoir" By Wayne LaPierre

The Founders wanted us to stay vigilant. They knew people would try to take our freedoms. And that's why they gave us the right to bear arms. So we can act as a powerful counterweight to authoritarian governments like this administration. Sure, we wield tremendous political influence. But what if that fails? The core of the NRA message is that safeguarding democracy means threatening violence if you don't approve of the results.

That's where the Smile Toxin comes in.

Minutes from now, the entire population of Gotham are going to understand that the Second Amendment isn't just for hunters or sportsmen. It's for people determined to protect their liberty by force if necessary. This is exactly what the authors of the Bill of Rights wanted. The synthetic venom has been circulating through the water system for a long time. Plus, we've kidnapped the only scientist who can create an antidote; we suspended him in a cage along with the Commissioner's daughter above a happy birthday cake made entirely from glowing acid-sludge. Why? Because we're serious about checks and balances in our system.

At the NRA we're not just sabotaging public policy and putting lives in danger in order to indulge in weird fantasies of destruction and revenge against imagined enemies. We're an important part of the give and take in our republican form of government. So don't try to tunnel down into our hideout, unless you want to hit tripwires connected to bombs all over the city and animate thousands of our wind-up Karnage Karts.

Look, I know you want to stop these terrible shootings in our schools. We're willing to talk about that. But you won't stop criminals by punishing people like us, law-abiding and responsible folks who just need to plan for the overthrow of the government if we lose the next election cycle. The only thing that can defeat a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. And until you learn that, we're going to choke the streets with your dead.

(Photo by Gage Skidmore. Used under Creative Commons license; information here.)

1 comment:

  1. Some other facts:


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