Wednesday, February 13, 2013

A Message To Marco Rubio From Something In The Back Of The Fridge

There's nothing fresh about either of us, chief. But at least I have an excuse. I'm what remains of a wonderful, um, possibly Christmas dinner. Or maybe Thanksgiving, but that would be horrifying. You however, are supposed to be the new face of the GOP. Then you gave the State of the Union response, and it was a hash of musty conservative talking points dating back for decades. There was absolutely nothing new about it.

Rubio: My parents immigrated here in pursuit of the opportunity to improve their life and give their children...
(2004) Speech by Arnold Schwarzenegger to RNC: America gave me opportunities, and my immigrant dreams came true.
Geezer Rating: Bread heel

This isn’t bestowed on us from Washington. It comes from a vibrant free economy...And when they succeed, they hire more people...
(2011) Speech by Rick Perry: The fact is, government doesn’t create jobs....
Geezer Rating: Iffy milk

Rubio: his solution to virtually every problem we face is for Washington to tax more, borrow more and spend more.
(1960) Letter to Richard Nixon by Ronald Reagan: He leaves little doubt that his idea of the 'challenging new world' is one in which the Federal Government will grow bigger and do more and of course spend more....
Geezer Rating: Whale tooth scrimshaw

More government isn’t going to help you get ahead. It’s going to hold you back.
(1981) Ronald Reagan's Inaugural Address: ...government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.
Geezer Rating: Pop-pop's Zippo from the war

Rubio: The tax increases and the deficit spending you propose will hurt middle class families.
(2012) Mitt Romney's remarks at first presidential debate: My view is that we ought to provide tax relief to people in the middle class.
Geezer Rating: Week-old takeout

Rubio: The world is a better place when America is the strongest nation on earth. But we can’t remain powerful if we don’t have an economy that can afford it.
(1990) George H.W. Bush speech to Congress: Our world leadership and domestic strength are mutual and reinforcing; a woven piece, strongly bound as Old Glory. To revitalize our leadership, our leadership capacity, we must address our budget deficit -- not after election day, or next year, but now.
Geezer Rating: Captain and Tennille album

But government’s role is wisely limited by the Constitution. And it can’t play its essential role when it ignores those limits. There are valid reasons to be concerned about the President’s plan to grow our government.
(1924) Calvin Coolige's speech accepting presidential nomination: I believe in the American Constitution. I favor the American system of individual enterprise, and I am opposed to any general extension of government ownership, and control.
Geezer Rating: Ark of the Covenant

You're free to make your arguments, and so are your Republican colleagues. There are real ideas behind them - I get that. But all hype aside, you are not a new thing. You are the same thing, repackaged. You represent a dying movement within a failing party, and that's exactly what many voters like about you. You are one more way of complaining about science and globalization and human progress. Fair enough. But the rest of us aren't fooled. The date's right there in front of us. Time to chuck it.


  1. I didn't hear any complaint about science, globalization, or human progress. None of the quotes you listed demonstrated a complaint regarding any of those three things. Your facts don't support your conclusion. Further, your vaguely implied premise that new is somehow better isn't supported either. And I can't see how honoring the Constitution is an idea to "chuck," whether it's Jame Monroe saying it in 1824, Coolidge in 1924, or whomever in 2024.

    1. No, the conclusion is that Marco Rubio, touted as new, is not in fact new. And then - go back and read it carefully please- I add the assertion that the oldness of Marco Rubio is precisely his appeal to the Tea Party, which is cranky and old itself and in an argument with the 21st century. But that is, you are right, an extra assertion. Which is why it comes after.

  2. You didn't say Rubio was "touted as new" in the post. Where is that? But let's assume that he is touted as new -- by whom, I don't know, but nevertheless, let's assume it. OK, he is new, isn't he, insomuch as he is relatively young in his political life? I think that's all "new" means in this instance. Has he been touted as someone with dazzling new ideas, insights, political theories, or anything of the like? I'm not aware that he has. I think the extent of his "new" is simply a reference to the fact that he is a fresh face, a new face. His ideas, however, seem to be in line with the traditional Republican platform, which you adeptly pointed out.

  3. I'm lazy, and I bore easily, so I bailed after the water swigging. Did anyone count the verifiable number of lies told by Rubio? It wasn't a full-on Gish Gallop, I'd say more like a Mini Mitt plop.

  4. I don't know how may lies Rubio told, but the AP has a pretty good summary of the ones Obama told:

  5. Great article, the GOP is looking v shaky now. Will be interesting to see the posse of clowns that put themselves forward in 2016.
    I am hoping my favourite conservative comedian Santorum gets plenty of airtime.



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