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Monday, February 4, 2013
The GOP Will Sell Their Hideous Agenda With Fresh New People
I don't believe the Republican Party is dead. They may have lost the presidential race with a lackluster candidate. But their bench is deep. It's packed with talent and charisma. In the coming year, the GOP will be making their horrifying policy arguments with an exciting new group of people.
Although Mitt Romney failed to connect at the convention, many of the speakers on that stage were clearly emerging stars at the beginning of what promise to be long careers making backward social policy and disastrous fiscal decisions. Susana Martinez, Marco Rubio, Nikki Haley, and Chris Christie inspired the crowd with their wit, charm, and obvious talent. They're going to use those skills to put an entirely novel spin on their appalling right wing views on abortion and gay marriage. Backed by depressing corporate ghouls like the Koch brothers, they will no doubt find a riveting way to promote extreme deregulation and strip social services bare.
Believe me, these people will spend the next election cycle appearing all over the media, flirting with young-earth creationism and shilling for the NRA. They're really going to shake things up with the interesting, awful things they believe.
I even think one of these four are going to give the GOP response to the State of the Union. He or she will perform beautifully: Look for an impressive personal story of gumption and triumph against all odds coupled with a disingenuous apology for letting corporations cheat and poison us under the guise of some stupid slogan like "getting the government off your backs," but with totally different words. And then Peggy Noonan will praise the "energy" or "verve," and if the speaker is Latino, she'll write about how she really likes Latinos, and it will be condescending and creepy, but it will make people feel just great.
All over this nation, these people are going to be generating the kind of passion they did at the convention when Susana Martinez talked about having a .357 Magnum as a young girl, and the audience erupted into one of the longest ovations of her speech, which really ought to sicken anyone who isn't a complete sociopath, only it doesn't.
Don't count Republicans out! Not with this team. This year is shaping up to be a period of real turnaround for the GOP. Their spokespeople come from all walks of life, and they're going to find a new language to make the same terrible argument for turning this country into one large gated community for the wealthy and one massive vacant lot for the poor.
If they really play this right, one of them might even go all the way to the White House and get us into the next war.
Exciting times are coming. Just you wait.