Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A Message To CPAC From Something Caught In The La Brea Tar Pits

Guys, please stop.

Quit struggling. Struggling only makes it worse. Believe me, I know. If one of your main speakers is Sarah Palin, it is time to just admit you've lost. She sort of defines what losing is, right? Losing, at its worst, is becoming a terrible caricature of everything that's wrong with your side. I mean, I chewed off my own paw in frustration, and even I have the presence of mind to know inviting her was a bad move.

God, this is just painful for the rest of us to watch. Right now I have a dire wolf who's trapped here with me, and he's howling and trying to eat my face. And that's still way, way better than being stuck in a hotel room next to Rick Perry.

Why would you do this to yourselves? I'm a dumb animal, and I have no clue what viscosity is. You, on the other hand, just lost a well-publicized election by alienating women and social moderates. And you respond by torpedoing gay rights groups and inviting Santorum to slather you with his crazy talk. Do you understand that you have absolutely no excuse?

It's like you wanted to get into this terrible fix. It's like the futility of fighting for an ignorant and out of date worldview is just too much for you anymore. You're trying to go extinct, aren't you? I get that. Of course, you're going to take the new guys down with you. People will see Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio here, and they'll remember how deeply out of touch their views really are. Tar pits are like that. Everyone gets stuck together. Everyone dies together. If the GOP had any sense they'd just lock the doors on you people, and let nature take it's course. But we all know the GOP's track record...

I almost feel sorry for you. I really do. And then I remember who you are, and that feeling kind of goes away.

Well, I'll tell Reagan you're coming. Bye.

1 comment:

  1. But as the lefty buzzard in the tree nearby, the process is nearly as entertaining as watching the fecking idiots using tactics out of the Paul Ryan Budget Book of Gilded Age Economics. You know it's not going to work, you know the result is going to be disastrous, but you also know that the idiots are never going to believe that, that they are going to jump into the tar anyway. And then poke each other in the eye as they begin to sink.


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