Thursday, September 25, 2014

A Message From Jesus Christ On The Targeted Killings

You already kind of know what I'm going to say, don't you? Love your enemies, do unto others, all that stuff about the least of your brothers... I've gone on record about how you should treat each other. Sure, I didn't actually tell you, "Don't fire a mess of Tomahawks through someone's living room." I didn't think it would be necessary to spell it out. You Americans have a country absolutely packed to the ceiling with people who claim to follow me. But you are really, really comfortable with dropping high explosives on people.

Now we're going to talk about whether I was a pacifist, aren't we? I mean, what if you come across a bunch of bad guys who are going to do some harm to an innocent person? What if violence is the only way to prevent more violence? This is your way of dodging the question. Because you look reasonable if you make the choice between doing absolutely nothing in the face of evil... or airstrikes, home invasions, and encircling the world with a network of military bases. It's dishonest, and you know it. You guys say you're all about me, but you really act like the people who did that hilarious thing with those thorns. Enhanced interrogation, right? I sure know all about that. They were laughing while they did it. It was just like those news reports you don't think about. Like a prank gone too far. They were exactly the type to take selfies afterwards.

No, you always pretend this stuff is necessary. Always. You always excuse it. The pacifist thing is a way to make the job impossible. So that you can stop trying to be good. So that you can do all the terrible things you want to do. And you do want to do them. You're addicted to violence. Violence is your country's last and greatest export.

Let me clear something up: When I said that if you live by the sword you'll die by the sword, I wasn't giving a commandment from God. I was just giving advice. If you hit someone they'll hit you back. If you kill them so they can't hit back, their second cousin will pop out from around a corner tomorrow. Which means your brother has to burn that guy's house down, and this forces his tribe to slaughter your tribe. And so on. Until you live in a world where you have to spend every moment of every day doing hideous things to each other to stay safe, and it's never enough. And it won't be enough until the world runs out of people. That's how it works.

So many of you believe an Iron Age scroll is a solid science textbook, but you have trouble accepting that a first century Jew in occupied Palestine might know a thing or two about the nature of violence.

Forget I'm Me. Just consider the obvious. You've completed a 20-year cycle of escalating missile attacks, kidnappings, interventions, and turning your country into a giant prison. The result, they tell you, is that now the threat is even greater than before. And the solution? Let's do all the same things that worked so well the first time.

Stop being idiots. I really should have said it during the big speech on the mountain. But you probably wouldn't have listened to that either.


The dead you love are in a kind of Schrodinger's experiment... spiraling out of control, the box closed forever and the ones inside neither really here nor ever gone.
"She's watching over us." 
"He's so proud." 
"They'll always be with you. I can feel it. I can tell." 
Keep it shut long enough, and they'll follow you down every street. Keep it shut long enough, and they'll never be far away.
This is what it means to live in two worlds. To pray. To hope for something better. 

THE BLACK BOOK OF CHILDREN'S BIBLE STORIES is about faith and loss, and a haunted house hidden so well you didn't notice you'd been living there your whole life. GET IT FREE ON OCT 8 AND OCT 9.

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