Tuesday, February 24, 2015

D&D Stats of the 2016 GOP Contenders - Rick Santorum

CLIMATE/TERRAIN: Any land
FREQUENCY: Common
ORGANIZATION: Pack
ACTIVITY CYCLE: Day
DIET: Omnivore
INTELLIGENCE: Average (8-10)
TREASURE: Lair In Verona, PA (I)
ALIGNMENT: LE
NO. APPEARING: 1 (Plus 2d4 staffers. Treat as Human Pilgrims for stats)
ARMOR CLASS: 10
MOVEMENT: 12
HIT DICE: 1+3
THAC0: 15
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 1d4/1d6 (nails/teeth)
SPECIAL ATTACKS: See below
SPECIAL DEFENSES: See below
MAGIC RESISTANCE: Nil
SIZE: M
MORALE: Fanatic (17-18)
XP VALUE: 150

Rick Santorum is a former US Senator from Pennsylvania who ran in the 2012 GOP presidential primary, winning in 11 states and coming in second to Mitt Romney. He speaks Common and has a limited understanding of Orcish.

Combat: Santorum fights aggressively, charging into the fray and delivering wounds with nails and teeth. When cornered he has the natural ability once a day to utter a short prayer that functions as a Cause Light Wounds spell, as if used by a 3rd level Priest. When encountered Santorum often (40% chance) wears a sweater vest that functions as a +2 Cloak Of Protection against attacks from journalists and anyone of Good alignment. It's a cotton/acrylic blend, and it's made by JCPenney.

NOTE: This is part of a series. Check it out at GOP Monster Manual.

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7 comments:

  1. Shouldn't that be journalists and chaotic aligned?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did think about that, but decided to go with Good.

      Delete
  2. They forgot to add the Frothiness factor to the stats.

    If you don't know what I am talking about, then google Frothy Santorum.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I only ever played 1st ed, so I have to look up THAC0. But I could read this all day. I know it's a Magic The Gathering reference, but can he cast "Protection From Blah"?

    ReplyDelete

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