If you keep in touch with your family and high school friends on Facebook, you've probably seen the report from NASA that the polar ice in the Antarctic sea is at an all-time high. It's clear proof that climate change is a fantasy. It's indisputable. The only way you could argue against it is if the earth had some kind of mythical "alternate pole," where ice was dwindling at an even faster rate to make up for the gain. We don't live in that kind of crazy sci-fi world, folks! The people at NASA know that, and that's why they couldn't actually put data from this nonexistent Narnia-kingdom in the very report your conservative friends see fit to share with you, making them all look like jackasses.
But there's more to the story. You and I know we've been gathering data about what a hoax global warming is for years now. Let's review the undeniable truths we've all heard.
10. I had to put a jacket on. Yesterday.
9. It was snowing at that one place where it usually doesn't snow, and they showed it on Fox, and Steve Doocy seemed really surprised. He raised his eyebrows in that way he has of letting you know this is not what he expected.
8. There are bloggers following this stuff on the internet in places where they'll also sell you gold and gas masks, and they can show all kinds of stuff the scientists said would happen, but then didn't happen.
7. Every time they have a guy telling you it's true on TV, or in an article, they have another guy telling you it's false. Every time. What does that say?
6. Some of those bloggers have degrees that sound technical.
5. You could see your breath just last week.
4. Also on Fox they had that guy who used to play that character you liked in that show you watched, and he was not convinced at all about this.
3. The senator said so, and he's spent his life talking to experts from energy companies who study this kind of thing. They come to his office when they bring the money, and they leave really impressive Powerpoint presentations about it.
2.This one time my friend Steve was out at the lake house, back when we were both 12, because Steve's friend Troy found a Playboy there, so we were looking for it on our dirt bikes, because Troy said it wasn't even torn up or anything. But it was really hot, and that was like, years ago. So I went back last summer, and it was much cooler.
1. Jesus just wouldn't dick us over like that.
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