Sunday, July 5, 2015

D&D Stats Of The Republican Party - The Confederate Plane Of Existence

The Confederate Plane is one of the most baffling and paradoxical realms of existence in the multiverse. Completely contained within the Prime Material world, it is a place where time, distance, history, and causality cease to exist as we understand them.

Some say it is a kind of alternate historical dimension, a place where the past takes a bizarrely modified form. But that's only a partial description. More accurate would be to say it is a kind of legendary world. People, places and things exist here outside of time and behave in ways that have no parallel.

The Confederate Plane is a kind of collaborative mental universe dreamed into existence by Caucasian Republican humans and demihumans everywhere. It overlaps this world and can be accessed anywhere by uttering specific incantations or displaying charged symbols and entering a kind of shared trance state.

How easily Republicans can achieve union with the Confederate Plane depends on exactly one factor: Whether or not nonwhite people are paying attention to them.

If a Republican is surrounded by Caucasians and non-Caucasians alike, he and his fellow devotees may only manage to glimpse their world by use of discrete and oblique references to the magic spells.
"I'm really glad to be back here with you people, because you know about values," the Republican might say, and people will murmur in agreement.

If the Republican is surrounded by Caucasians only, but he's speaking into a live microphone, he may be more direct, though not completely. Even though nonwhite people aren't present, the possibility that nonwhite people could hear him in the future acts as a restraint on the power of the Confederate Plane within him. He might change the word "values" to "traditional values." He may even make some kind of statement referring wistfully to the "world he grew up in" to see if others in the group nod knowingly.

If he's really bold, the Republican may deploy the word "heritage," which instantly creates a powerful psychic portal in the minds of listeners. Descriptions of what the portal looks like are sketchy:

Large white-columned houses appear out of the mist... 
The men are in gray; the gowns of the ladies are so beautiful...
People are working happily in the field. They're happy, okay? You can just tell they're not being treated badly. And bluebirds. The cartoon bluebirds are everywhere.

Some planar scholars translate the word "heritage" as a synonym of the word "history," but this is a mistake. "Heritage" is an alchemy of history. People use the word to signal that they wish to leave the real history... and take a left turn into this magical place.

The most common reason for like-minded people to come together here? One rumor is that it's so they can hatch plans to bring the Confederate Plane into the common world and make it the only reality there is.

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1 comment:

  1. Ah, yes...

    Although this is why t/h/e/y/ there should be robots.


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