Wednesday, August 12, 2015

"Screw You, Yeats," Another Classy Poem By Donald Trump

It's me, Donald Trump. I'm back with more classy poetry. This time I wanted to remake a favorite of mine so it could be more relevant.

Screw You, Yeats
By Donald Trump

Maybe the falcon's ignoring the falconer.
Ever think of that?
Maybe out there in that gyre,
Or whatever it's called,
It says to itself, "Fuck it. I'm a goddamned falcon.
I've got sharp claws, an open sky...
I'm going to do my thing, you know? Falcon crap."
That's right.
Falcon crap.
Call it falling apart if you want,
But I call it freedom.

A wave of us think like that -
A tide of us, blood in our eyes,
Coming from wherever,
And we are passionate about one thing:
We're not going to Dial 1 for English.

That's the spirit of this country,
A spirit that will be revealed,
A shape from out of the desert, the West...
Reagan Country.
A king without pity - that's what they want, the body of men.
The head of Fox
Is moving his slow, wrinkly thighs -
Which is disgusting, yes -
But he's getting kind of excited watching the ratings soar,
While all around him
Reel shadows of the indignant Steve Doocy.
The darkness drops again; but now you know
That two centuries of stony sleep
Have turned to Jeb's nightmare.
I am the rough beast whose hour has come round at last...

And I can't wait to launch a thousand nukes
At anyone who looks at me cross-eyed.

(Photo by Michael Vadon. Rights information here.)

THE BLACK BOOK OF CHILDREN'S BIBLE STORIES is about faith and loss, and a haunted house hidden so well you didn't notice you'd been living there your whole life. BUY IT HERE.


  1. Thought I'd do some campaign slogans for the Trumpster:

    Donald Trump! Because you ARE morbidly curious about what he'll do next.

    Finally! A candidate you hope WON'T keep his promises.

    A Republican who makes other Republicans look like Democrats!

    Give political satirists an easy target! Vote for Trump!

    Give yourself the chance to say, "I'm smarter than the President of America!" Vote for Trump!

  2. This...this...this is an insanely hard, perfectly-faceted, pure crystalline jewel of brilliance pressed from the filthy muck of Trumpism by the crushing weight of Bibeauesque metamorphism, the kimberlite of political satire.

    I stand in awe.

    Oh, and I'm so TOTALLY stealing this.


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