Sunday, September 27, 2015

For The Third GOP Debate, Will The Candidates Go At Each Other With Lead Pipes?

Politico reports that the third GOP debate scheduled for October 28 has set off a "wave of anxiety" among some of the candidates. If you're like me, you have many questions about the format of the event - such as whether there will be an undercard and whether candidates will go at each other with lead pipes.

Everyone needs a chance to meet the voting public. I think that's crucial. Whether it's a town hall-style debate where audience members pose questions, a series of formal head to head match-ups among the top contenders, or an iron cage, no-rules bloodbath where the losers are dispatched without mercy... we all want to feel these people went through a real vetting process on the way to the White House.

I'm not saying they have to fight to the death with lead pipes. It's a long process, and we have to be flexible. Maybe they could struggle to outlast each other while being hunted by wild animals in some kind of arena. The point is, we need to find out if these GOP candidates are right for America. There are a number of ways to accomplish this.

Perhaps a shark tank? I wouldn't mind a shark tank at all. I'm just brainstorming here.

With so many political outsiders, I am concerned we're not really testing these people to see how they'd govern. Carly Fiorina is a business leader, but how would she build a legislative coalition to get her policies through Congress? Ben Carson is a brilliant doctor, but what kind of science and technological policies can we expect from a creationist? And Donald Trump is a successful developer, but if he were hooded and chained up in a box slowly filling with water, would he be able to free himself in time? I need to know these things. And I don't think I'm the only one.

We can explore many different formats. We just need to make certain the nominee is ready for the general election. Ensuring that we never see any of the other candidates ever again is not as important, of course. But that might be nice too.

6 comments:

  1. Only one problem w/ cage match w/ this current crops of candidates: No one to root FOR.

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  2. I know I'm kind of a classicist, but when I think of a crowd of old-school Christians, I think of lions. The Romans got it right.

    Then we could root for the lions.

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    Replies
    1. Yes. This is where Cecil Jr. starts training for his Inigo Montoya/Charles Bronson revenge spree.

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  3. If they do a Mortal Kombat motif, Carly Fiorina could be Sindel, with the shrieking attack. Or is that sexist? And Trump could be Goro.

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    Replies
    1. I had to look these things up. But yeah. Solid. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goro_(Mortal_Kombat)

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