Wednesday, October 14, 2015

"As President I'll Kill Way More People Than Jim Webb," By Donald Trump

I know you're all impressed with what Jim Webb said last night about killing that commie who chucked a grenade at him. I just want to go on record and make sure you know that when you elect me, I will kill many, many more people than Jim Webb would kill. A Trump presidency is going to be a bloodbath. Count on it.

We're going to kill people with our foreign policy, and we're going to kill people domestically - right here at home, so you can watch it on TV. We're going to have the biggest, most impressive gold-plated record of ending human lives you've ever seen. And I know I'm running against a member of the Bush family, which kind of raises the bar. But I'm serious. You'll be amazed how many people we manage to kill.

A guy like Jim Webb kills them one at a time - by himself. He's into artisan killing, like some goddamn hipster. I'm going to have the entire government murder people on an industrial scale. And you know with me in the Oval, private companies will be getting in on this game as well.

Sometimes I act like there are wars I don't want to get involved in, and sometimes I say I could get along with Putin. But none of that means I'm going to hesitate to annihilate entire communities. That's a promise.

Thing about Webb is... sure, he's a tough guy. No one's saying he isn't. And he's probably seen his share of combat. But I am an actual sociopath. It's a whole different level. I literally don't feel anything when I cause people to suffer or even die because of what I do. Sometimes I have to remind myself not to stab my friends. Seriously. How do you think I got this far?

Anyway, when you elect Donald Trump, you know you're going to get two things: A guy who will run the most belligerent, incoherent and dysfunctional administration in modern US history... and a guy who has experience catering to every sick and depraved whim of the most brutal and idiotic segment of the already brutal and idiotic US population.

On Day 1, it's going to look like Mad Max out there. And I'm just talking about my healthcare policy. Don't think President Trump is going to get outdone by anybody when it comes to paying the Reaper.

And by the way... the guy Jim Webb killed wasn't even an American! He was some foreigner taking the violent death away from a US worker. That is going to change when I'm in charge.

(Photo by Michael Vadon. Rights information here.)

1 comment:

  1. Looks like Trump didn't forget about that book he kept by his bedside all those years...

    Long time reader, first time commenter etc. Keep doing what you're doing, man! Loving it!


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