Thursday, October 15, 2015

Have Scientists Discovered An Extraterrestrial Republican Party?

The Kepler Space telescope has discovered a profoundly exciting and disturbing phenomenon: a distant star surrounded by a collection of matter - what may be a "swarm of megastructures" created by intelligent beings. It's still way too early to be sure, and there are a number of hypotheses, but scientists are eagerly investigating the possibility of a technologically advanced civilization which would have its own version of a Republican party fighting to destroy all its technological advances.

Just think of it. Up there in the sky is a species capable of creating orbiting platforms so big they can be seen from light years away - no doubt harnessing the power of their star - while a sizable portion of their own people probably reject solar power and want to defund the entire program. They must know things about the history of the universe and the nature of spacetime which would revolutionize our understanding, and they probably have nutjobs that don't believe any of it, because they favor a literal interpretation of whatever collection of dusty scrolls they're still carrying around from the time they huddled in their alien caves and worshiped one of their moons. Every one of them has access to the kind of knowledge our most brilliant scientists dream of... and they have a bunch of jackasses with fake degrees appearing on their version of the Fox network trying to act like they've collected new data that proves the moon-god's tale of how their planet formed is actually a competing theory and not a bizarre intellectual relic.

They could teach us about advanced medicine and how to deal with the damage your civilization does to the ecosystem, as well as how to deal with the baffling idiots who think all of that is an enormous conspiracy. They could show us how to make a stable global political arrangement so different groups can live together - and what to do about the kind of hideous freaks who favor war and deregulation so extreme it brings suffering and death to millions in order to enrich a small percentage of their population. There's much we could learn from each other.

Assuming they haven't already killed themselves.

4 comments:

  1. I see you now have an "Other Blogs" sidebar. Sweet. I love those things. But you want to make sure you prune it regularly. If not, it quickly fills up with defunct blogs and becomes a strangely sad reminder of how quickly time passes. But unsettling reminders of mortality are kind of your thing, so that might actually become a bonus.

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  2. "I show the blogs I read in life," replied the Ghost. "I made it link by link, and post by post; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”

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  3. Have we received intel from Rush Limbaugh as to whether we can believe this? Otherwise, it is probably just part of the global warming conspiracy. As you know, there has been no warming for 17 years. And that's just a random number we picked out of the air -- not a cherry picked period that started at 1998 -- an extremely hot year. Thus, we know that global warming is a hoax. And by extension, all science is a hoax. And we know this because Rush Limbaugh is "science 101, big time guy, tech advance it, you know it, I'm all in." Or something.

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