Well, it's certainly been an interesting and spirited discussion. I feel like we've all aired our viewpoints, even if we haven't necessarily won converts. But the hour is late, and I need to get to bed. So to wrap things up, let me just suggest that all of you - this entire thread - are of questionable parentage.
Believe me, I'd like to tell each one of you in a personal and specific way about how the details of your conception are more interesting and controversial than you've been led to believe. Nothing would make me happier. If I had time I'd sketch a few rough but illustrative diagrams for some of my new acquaintances, scan them in, and attach them to my messages. But we all know how internet comment threads like these work. I'm going to inform you about your parents, and then you'll inform me about mine, and then I'll have to reply - it wouldn't seem right, otherwise. And you're going to have to respond to my response.
It is now 3 o'clock in the morning. My bladder feels like it's about to rupture, and I'm quite sure many of you are drunk almost to the point of blackout. I'd like to speculate about what sorts of social lives you must have that you can focus on this discussion in this way... but I'd have to consider that I've been right here with you.
Yes. You are all of questionable parentage. Let me say it like that. It's the only way I can hope to get some sleep.
The problem, of course, is by logging off I'm sure that I'll miss your many witty rejoinders. Experiences like these - little gifts of rhetoric and whimsy - are the reason the internet is so endlessly diverting. If comment threads be the food of love, I say, play on... Give me excess, that the appetite may sicken and so die.
It has been a real pleasure. Thank you. Thank you all. And go fuck yourselves.
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