Theoretically it'll work, right? The rat's smaller than us, and more importantly, he's smaller than the pipes involved. The basic physics of the situation are overwhelmingly in our favor. There shouldn't be any question that we as a nation are perfectly capable of getting the thing into the municipal sewage system.
Yeah, but that rat, man... That rat's going to fight, going down. I can't emphasize enough how ugly this is going to look. Fur flying. Blood everywhere. We'll never be able to forget the screeching sounds it's going to make. We're going to get clawed up, people. Clawed badly.
Just the other day an essay appeared in the Guardian about how every demographic and cultural trend was gradually destroying the conservative movement:
The US is now beyond the electoral tipping point, driven by a new progressive majority in the electorate: racial minorities (black and Hispanic) plus single women, millennials (born between 1982 and 2000) and secular voters together formed 51% of the electorate in 2012; and will reach a politically critical 63% next year.
All this sounds great, but there are plenty of off-brand elections - like the one we just had - where a relatively small group of voters can roll back progress and pack the states with an army of rightwing imbeciles. And then those rightwing imbeciles gerrymander the districts so they can pack the House with even more rightwing imbeciles. We might lose an eye in this fight. I'm serious.
You think we're winning the argument, right? We've reached a point in America where people generally acknowledge that we need racial justice, that literalist religion is stupid, that women and LGBT people are full citizens, that global warming is an actual phenomenon because all the scientists agree it is and because every once in awhile an entire city goes into the dunk tank - that's the idea anyway, isn't it? But if that idea is really gaining some traction you wouldn't have major party candidates campaigning on open racism and Bible conspiracy theories about who built the pyramids. People like that wouldn't have a serious chance to snag the most powerful office in the US government. But they do. Lock the door. It's going to try to run.
The rat's stupid and vicious? Yeah, well, don't act like that's a drawback. Because this is politics in America. Stupid and vicious wins. Stupid and vicious has a solid fucking track record. We're going to need rabies shots after.
Plus the stakes are higher for them. The country continues to become more racially and ethnically diverse, and young people have less tolerance for the insane superstitious crap their parents believe. Plus, it's getting harder to argue for aggressive defense when we've been waging war around the globe for two decades and entering an airport looks even more like visiting a prison.
So they're losing? Well... Kind of.
The biggest area of GOP growth is among people who're actually on life support. The average age of a Fox News viewer is dead. I'm serious. Dead. You've been gone a week, and no one's noticed the smell yet, and when they break into the apartment there's Sean Hannity yelling at your corpse.
But it means the rat is fighting for everything. An entire way of looking at the world is getting slowly crushed by the reality of living in a developed 21st century country with a cosmopolitan population and an economy that is mind-bendingly complicated, which means we need the regulations they can't stand, because gumption and Reagan quotes aren't going to cut it. The rat's going to mark us up as much as it can before it goes down. And brother, that's a lot. We could need surgery after.
Don't ever think progress just happens. Not here. People fight wars and they lynch whole populations to make sure progress doesn't happen. And they can beat back tolerance, kindness, and enlightenment for a long, long time, before old age and irrelevance claim them.
The only thing certain is that we've got to get this rat out of the house. So roll up your goddamn sleeves. And get the Bactine ready, because we're going to need it.
THE BLACK BOOK OF CHILDREN'S BIBLE STORIES is about faith and loss, and a haunted house hidden so well you didn't notice you'd been living there your whole life. BUY IT HERE.
Open Thread - Songify The News - Yes kids, a sitting Georgia Congressman compared denying health insurance to millions of Americans as getting a goat out of his house. What else can you...