Wednesday, February 24, 2016

"All This Will I Give You If You Fall Down And Worship Me," By Donald Trump

Christians love me. That's a fact. They love me, because I'm going to win this thing for them, and then I'll make this country theirs again. Do you want to see an America where everyone tells you to have a "Merry Christmas" in stores and they say prayers in school? Do you want to stop gay marriage and Planned Parenthood? Do you want to go back to a country where your kind of people didn't have to worry about being politically correct or hurting some Muslim guy's feelings? You can have that, you know. It's not too late. You can have all of that if you just fall down and worship me.

I mean it. I know I don't pray enough, and my private life is not like yours. Hey, I do what I want, and I get results! But nothing is going to stop me from making this the greatest, mightiest nation in the world again, and putting you and your friends back in control of it. When you come out of church every Sunday you'll be able to walk down the streets of your town... and every single person you come across is going to treat you with respect. That's what I'm going to do for you. For all of you. You just need to vote for me. And also collapse to your knees and pay me homage.

I want you to see it in your mind: Imagine you're standing on a mountain and looking out at an America back in charge of all the kingdoms of the world. All the powers and principalities. America running the world, and you running America. Isn't that your vision? Isn't that what you want as a Christian? Worship me, then! All of you, bow and worship me! Wash my feet with your tears and hail me as your savior!

It's what Jesus would do, right?

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7 comments:

  1. Sounds about right. I'd laugh if it weren't so terrifying.

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  2. I dunno, both Cruz and Carson were called directly by God to run, and they don't seem to be doing so hot, this guy with the sulfur aftershave might be on to something.

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  3. Maybe, just maybe, Trump could really be what America has always been from the earliest days. And the mask just slipped a bit.
    He might just be True America.

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  4. This reminded me of what David Bowie's character says in Labyrinth.

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