Monday, March 21, 2016

"I Lost My Job. Can I Burn A Cross On Your Lawn?"

Excuse me.

I hate to bother you, but my friends and I recently lost our jobs. They've been closing down all the plants in our area. I'm sure you've noticed. Anyway, it would really help us cope with all this if we could burn a cross on your lawn.

Things are bad for the working class in America. It's a crisis! People like me and my buddies used to have a place in this society, you know? Now, I just don't... I just don't know where we fit in. Anyway, we figured we'd light up a fiery symbol of white supremacy and chant some slogans about how you're a filthy subhuman who needs to leave.

Hope this is all okay with you. Here, Trish baked you a casserole.

I don't usually go in for this kind of thing at all. Honest. It's just that people in Washington have been ignoring us for decades. The investor class shipped our jobs overseas, stripped down the infrastructure, and our income has flatlined. Did you know our mortality rate has increased recently? It's true. It's almost as bad as yours now. Can you believe that?

Look, I know the cross-burning and chanting and stuff won't actually help any of this. In fact, it probably just gets in the way of addressing the problems that are holding us back. But the fact is, we're in a bad way, and it just makes us feel special. It makes us feel like we did in the old days, when we had solid pay, good benefits, and we could murder you on a public street and totally get away with it. It's hard to say goodbye to all that, you know?

Anyway, the guys already got the thing lit, as you can see. I guess I wasn't really "asking your permission," so much as, "warning you of the righteous fury of the White Race." Maybe you'd better get inside, because it's going to get ugly. Trish says the pan's disposable, so you don't need to return it.

Don't bother calling the police. Josh and Ted are already out here.

Thanks, neighbor!

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