Thursday, April 21, 2016

A Message From A Piece Of Plaque In Donald Trump's Carotid Artery

Bowie. Rickman. And now Prince. We're not even halfway through the year. Jesus, it's depressing. And then there's Donald Trump, that fat sack of orange crud, filling up all your screen time. Almost 70, pockmarked and bloated by years of rich living... and he's still here somehow. Still healthy as a horse, holding neo-Nazi rallies all over Snowflake America. And you want me to solve your problems.

I can hear you out there:

Detach already! Detach, damn you!

You guys want me to cut loose, float on up to the brain stem, and start smothering some involuntary functions, don't you? You want it to be someone awful who gets the ticket for once.

Believe me, I've thought about it. You might believe you've had enough of ol' DT, but you don't know how bad it can get. I actually share a circulatory system with the racist clown. The Twitter feed never shuts off for me, okay?

But it's not my call. I can't just decide to do this for you people. It's all about blood pressure variations, microscopic fracturing in my structure... tiny physical and chemical forces at play, all of it random. And it never ever happens when you want it to. With our luck, the guy will get two terms, screw up the entire nation, and then find a way to go out while lying comfortably in his bed watching old video of one of his speeches.

Look at Cheney. That guy should have stepped into the shadows a long time ago, but with high-end medical technology he'll probably outlive almost everyone reading this.

Sorry, guys. Death is sometimes a blessing. But odds generally favor the house.

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  1. This is the essence of why I am not religious. I could believe in God, I suppose; but a kind and loving God?! When people like Trump and Cheney live on? No way. Hitler almost outlived Prince, and lost a war. Stalin made it almost to 75. Pol Pot made it to 73. On the other hand, there are wonderful things like frozen Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. So I'd have to say God is just apathetic -- not exactly inspiring. Loving God? No, no, no!

  2. Cut The Reaper some slack. He did come for Tony Scalia.

    1. Just not soon enough. On the other hand, I am pretty sure Fat Tony is still dead.

    2. Just not soon enough. On the other hand, I am pretty sure Fat Tony is still dead.


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