Saturday, October 8, 2016

I Was An Assistant Editor At Maxim, And I Am Disgusted By #Trump.

In the March 1999 issue of Maxim there's a picture of me in a cow costume drinking malt liquor outside the nastiest strip club in New York City. I can say this about the club - the Show World Triple Treat Theater on 42nd Street - because A) I woke up there once, and B) I've been in many, many others. We visited a particularly ugly place in Toronto, during a roadtrip for the magazine, on Easter Sunday. George Will wrote an angry, pretentious column about how the magazine cheapened American culture, and all of the articles he referred to were pieces I'd helped write or edit. I was an assistant editor there during the height of its popularity, and I wrote for it as a freelancer for about eight years after. It was everything you think it was. Everything.

We drank at our desks, often heavily. There were sex toys lying around all over the place. A staffer was secretly crapping on the floor of our bathroom, and we started having meetings about it trying to find the culprit by process of elimination like some kind of scatological version of Murder, She Wrote. Once, during an intense deadline, I opened the door to the supply room, and saw someone on the fire escape shooting bottle rockets out into midtown Manhattan. The experience felt like the opening scene in Martin Sheen's hotel room in Apocalypse Now, only with more T&A. It wasn't as bad as my time at Mademoiselle, but it came close.

I'm not going to defend any of it, pretend I speak for everyone who ever worked there, or lie to you and try to say I didn't enjoy myself.

I will say this: Donald Trump skeeves me out, and I've seen it all.

The recent video is just one more example of who he is, and it shouldn't surprise anyone. But this guy's problem goes beyond lewdness or crudity. I have a PhD in lewdness and crudity, and I should know. He brags about trying to break up someone's marriage, and he brags about using his celebrity to commit sexual assault. That's not "locker room talk," as his team has tried to spin it. One of those is a serious crime and the other is an awful, mean-spirited thing to do.

Donald Trump doesn't love women or obsess over their bodies - not even in that superficial way that you can see on a million websites. He hates women. It's obvious.

One of the things I've learned over the years is that when we objectify women in the culture we normalize people like - let's point it out again - the nominee of the Republican Party. I'm more careful now about what I say and what I write.

But don't pretend Donald Trump has gotten into trouble because he used profane language or likes looking at boobs. People are rejecting him as a candidate because he has shown a complete lack of respect toward women, and an aversion and fear of them as well. He would not respect their rights if he ever became president.

And if he were working at my magazine, he'd be the chief suspect in our (still!) unsolved bathroom crapping mystery. There's something wrong with that guy, you know?

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  1. Had one of those mystery crappers where I worked. We never did find out who it was. There must be a serious psychological reason why people do this.

  2. My first time reading something of yours unless I did in a magazine at some point, but more to the point you are very good and I'm glad I found your place. Also, I'm a girl and I have had an incredibly eventful life--I would not change one thing. The most important accomplishment of my fun life is that I can spot a douchebag from about 50 paces. I have been pawed, mauled and attacked since the age of 12. I knew I was attractive to men because they never ever failed to tell me and I of course was shy and immediately horrified. I am 5'10 thin, but run & swim so I could fight back and did so on all occasions, but that is how I became aware of the true sociopath of which donny is king of the litter. I have seen crude men, nice men and everything in between, but thank all the saints that you usually only run into the true sociopath rarely. We have most certainly run into him now.

    1. I totally agree with you, and I think enough women are in your position that this is going to hurt him.

  3. Was Trump a democrat when he said that stuff?

    1. Actually no. I believe he planned on running as a Reform Candidate in 2000 and he gave money equally to both sides during those years, but publicly and privately backed Bush until the war started going badly, but he was still seemed Repub just mad at Bush. And everyone knows what happened when Obama came along. His head exploded.

  4. When investigating crap, always use the process of elimination.

    Bet you thought no one would catch what you did there, huh?

  5. The thing that still has the power to astound me is how somehow THIS - this non-revelation that a crass juvenile self-obsessed greedy blowhard is also a kinda-rapey crass juvenile self-obsessed greedy blowhard - has somehow crossed the line from "gee, he seems a little out there" to "OMFG lock up the white wimmen!!!!".

    What? The out-front racism didn't work? The bone-stupid ignorance of business or economics? The crude pandering to the worst deplorables in the body politic didn't put you off? The ranting and the massive ego and the shiking and the cheating and the lying weren't enough to convince you that the GOP had found the perfect embodiment of the horrific selfish greed, raw ego, and massive stupidity that have been its defining characteristics since Goldwater?

    Erm...if not...what WOULD it take? Oh, grabbing things by the pussy.


    You're a sharp one, Giacomo.


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