Thursday, October 13, 2016

Jesus Weighs In: "Trump Should Be Forgiven. Also Sued And Possibly Imprisoned."

It's me, kids. Jesus. JC. The Big Messiah On Campus. Just wanted to say some things about this latest batch of Trump scandals. A sizable number of conservative Christians have been reminding you that everyone, even Donald J. Trump, deserves forgiveness. And I agree. My mercy is infinite, and it extends to the Republican nominee. I forgive him, and I think you should as well. Also, some of you should totally sue the crap out of him and maybe put him in prison.

Look, the compassion I and the Father have toward the world is beyond human understanding, okay? And trying to emulate it is always a good thing. It's good to forgive those who have wronged us. Just like it's also good for people to use the courts to seek financial compensation - maybe enough financial compensation to put a certain billionaire loudmouth into the kind of poverty that would make him have to wear one of those actual barrel-and-suspender things you see on cartoons.

My kingdom is of the spirit, and it is an impenetrable mystery. The workings of the state and federal court systems - both civil and criminal - are completely different. This is one of those classic "render unto Caesar" thingies.

Forgive Donald Trump in your hearts, people. I mean it. That's what you should do. Just don't let anything I say imply that many of you shouldn't also get a cute little lawsuit going with all your friends from the pageant and try to bleed the son of a bitch until he has to sell those ugly buildings of his. And then maybe put him in a numbered jumpsuit for a couple years.

In a way the humility might be good for him. You'd be helping his soul while you totally ran over his brand with a truck. The end result would be a better Donald, and I think we can all agree on that. In the fullness of time, my Being includes both justice and mercy, working together, and yeah sometimes we have to sting a fat, orange asshole now and again. But that's just the way it goes.

Remember: My love is for all, but it doesn't guarantee the right to obscene wealth, freedom from consequences, or election to the office of President of the United States. It'd take a real moron to believe something like that.

TRUMP TALES OF TERROR is about ugly creatures, murderous fantasies, and apocalyptic worlds – and they’re right in America. YOU CAN BUY IT HERE.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts with Thumbnails